catphishing | IC Contact [ryslig]

[Well shit. That's the million dollar question, isn't it? Soeki was kind of hoping Oliver would just decide for them and he could just happily go along with it. This is why relationships are hard and scary, nothing is ever easy and he has to talk about his feelings.]

i mean
do you?
or should we be having this conversation in person
i don't know how to do any of this honestly

[Hopefully he recognizes that for the awkwardness it is and doesn't peg it as a 'no'.]

Would it scare you if I said yes?

[He's not sure whether or not he really wants the answer. If he says no, that's fine. If he says yes... even if they backtrack things will probably be more difficult.]

Why don't you come over?
You're right. If we're going to talk about this it should be in person.

[The truth is? A little bit. He doesn't really want to say that, though, at least not over a medium as impersonal as text. It's not Oliver that scares him, or anything they've done so far, it's just... expectations. The fear of not meeting them. Of fucking up a good thing.]

okay
i'll be over in 20
do you want me to bring anything?

[With the avoidance of the question he feels as though he has his answer already. It's not what he was hoping for.]

No.
Just come.

[He fires off a quick 'okay', and heads out, hands stuffed into the pockets of his sweatshirt. Soeki both dreads this conversation and is slightly relieved it's happening, because he doesn't... want to lose any of this. It seems important to hold on to good things; he of all people knows how fleeting life can be, how his own will ultimately be a flash in the pan before he reaches Hell.

But he doesn't want Oliver to resent him for coasting along either. Hopefully, it'll be a good thing, clearing the air and making sure they're on the same page.

Hopefully.

When he gets to Oliver's place, he knocks briefly and then lets himself in, slightly hesitant, but wearing a small smile.]

Hey. I'm here.

[The wait is an anxious one for Oliver. He tends to keep his apartment fairly tidy anyway, which leaves his attempts to occupy himself by straightening things up aimless and far from necessary.

It's a surprise when Soeki lets himself in. He'd given his permission, but given the conversation he's here for he hadn't thought he would. It makes him feel a little more hopeful than he had been. He wouldn't be so forward if he was just here to break up with him. He wouldn't be smiling either.

His returning smile is tentative, but more genuine that he'd thought he'd have to give.]

Hey.

[He still feels awkward, though, hovering in the middle of his living room without making any move to do anything. After a hesitation he motions an arm to his new divan. It's not as comfortable as his couch was, but the backless part is more accommodating of his wings and it's far better than having this talk standing.]

Do you want to sit down?

[It's definitely awkward. Soeki has never had to really have this conversation before; only one 'relationship' has ever worked out for him even remotely and this is- so different. Oliver's return smile is a little more encouraging, and he nods, sitting down.]

New couch, huh? It's nice. Makes sense. [It's probably a lot easier on his wings. Soeki pats the cushion beside him.] Let me just preface this by saying this is- the first time I've ever had this conversation with someone, and I might fuck it up, because fucking up is what I do? I'm not very good at talking about... feelings.

[He seems to be making a habit of falling for guys like this. Oliver's nervous, but he doesn't understand why it's such a big deal to make things official. Just that it is to him, and if he approaches this the wrong way it could ruin what they have. That's the last thing he wants.

He sits next to him, trying to seem more casual than he feels, even chancing brushing their knees together.]

We don't actually have to talk about our feelings if you don't want to. Just... do you want to go out with me? It's basically what we're doing now anyway, right? Except if someone asks I'd know what to tell them.

[Emotionally constipated losers is a terrible type, Oliver. Soeki, meanwhile, is having difficulty voicing just what it is about the boyfriend label that scares him a little bit. This is why he's bad at relationships. This is why none of his relationships besides Rista ever lasted more than a month or two. (Well, it's part of the reason why.)

He doesn't seem to feel weird about sitting next to him, and slides a little bit closer, til their thighs are touching and he can lean against his side a little bit.]

Is it? I like what we're doing now. I like you. I think I'm just- [His shoulders slump. Despite his human form, it's an almost ursine gesture.] You're not going to suddenly change your expectations for me and be disappointed when I don't live up, right? I just don't want to fuck up something good because I don't know how to be a good boyfriend, I guess. I'm not romcom leading man material.

[Are romance movies his entire basis of knowledge about normal relationships? Quite possibly.]

[He presses his lips together, eyes fixed on where their legs are touching. It seems too familiar a gesture for the line of this conversation and he can't find it in himself to relax against him like he might any other day. It stings that he's the one making excuses why they shouldn't be in an official relationship when he's the one that brought it up in the first place. ]

Have you seen a romcom? The leads screw up all the time.

[He sighs, upper set of arms crossed as he struggles with how to put his frustrations into words. His lower arms stay stiffly at his side, fingers gripping the seat.]

All I want is for us to carry on like we have been. I don't get why calling you my boyfriend would make that harder for you.

Edited 2016-09-08 15:33 (UTC)

In like, cute and quirky ways. [He shrugs once, as if to say that he's definitely not cute and quirky. Soeki is the one who brought it up, maybe, but he doesn't know how else to voice his thoughts on the matter. This is why he prefaces most conversations like this with "I'm not good at feelings".

He looks up at Oliver, almost, but not quite, shy, maybe? Or sheepish.]

It wouldn't. It's not the word itself. If you're good with how things are, then I'm good too. That's... all I really want, honestly, for things to stay good like this.

So... boyfriends?

You are cute.

[It's said absently, without much thought of the actual point he was making.

His brow creases at the question, though it at least gets him to look up. He's not quite convinced he's understanding him. It's far simpler than he'd been anticipating.]

Wait, really?

[His lips quirk up slightly as it sinks in, his demeanor brightening considerably.]

You're cute. [But he's smiling a little hesitantly, waiting for his reaction, silently hoping this doesn't go south like the nightmare picture in his head that had played like a movie as he walked over to Oliver's place.

When he brightens, Soeki has to admit to himself that maybe Jade was right. This is what Oliver wants, isn't it? And as long as things don't change much, as long as he's not expecting Soeki to make grand romantic gestures that he'll suck at, well, that's alright with him.]

Yeah. [His smile definitely turns sheepish.] I told you I'm bad at this.

You're not bad at it. You're just not used to it.

[He's relaxing already, arms looser, his body less tense. It's such a relief this is going well. If he'd known he'd be this open to it he'd have brought the subject up sooner. He bites back a smile to himself, shaking his head with a small laugh.]

I was really worried you were going to break up with me.

You say that now.

[He leans into Oliver's side with a quiet laugh.] I kind of thought I'd fuck this up and you'd break up with me.

We'll see.

[He doesn't seem as though he's genuinely concerned though. He says it with a teasing grin, giving Soeki's thigh a casual squeeze as he relaxes against him. He leans in closer so he can press a kiss just below his ear.]

Breaking up is the last thing I want to do with you.

[The kiss makes him smile, and he turns his head to kiss Oliver's mouth instead, a fleeting but sweet little peck.]

Then I don't know why you were worried. I wouldn't bring this up just to break up.

I don't know. I thought maybe Jade freaked you out. If I'd known you were open to it I would've said something sooner.

I mean, she did, a little. I kind of wondered if I'd fucked up by not bringing it up? I don't know. Like I said, I'm bad at this. She sort of... pushed me to say something. Little sisters, right?

You didn't. We were happy already. But I'm glad you did now.

[The mention of pushing has him a little worried though. He frowns slightly, looking at him carefully.]

You want this, right?

[Soeki looks back at him, not wavering on this.] She's not pushing me into this relationship, Oliver. Seriously. I don't do things I don't want to.

I'm... happy. I like spending time with you. I just come from two different single dads, never had much luck with dating, and have no idea how to do a relationship.

[The answer reassures him, eases his concerns. Soeki might not know much about being in a relationship, but that's where Oliver's most comfortable. He knows what he wants there. He understands how they're supposed to work. He likes the familiarity, the reassurance he's not competing with anyone else. That someone likes him enough to be willing to take that step with him.]

We just keep doing what we have been doing. [He grins, leaning his head affectionately against Soeki's.] Maybe you could take me out to dinner every now and then.

[Oliver was never competing with anyone else, not really. Soeki tends toward the casual, but he manages exclusivity pretty well. This is... just another extension of that. Maybe it doesn't have to be terrifying.

He breathes out a little laugh, forehead pressed against Oliver's, kissing him briefly around his smile.] We'll have to go out for dinners early like old people, at like, 4 pm or some shit, otherwise they won't let me in the restaurant. Are you prepared to early-bird-special it with me?

[He groans at that, but doesn't actually seem that upset.]

I already feel old compared to most people here. You'll have to dress up fancy, make it seem like we're going for an actual night out.

[He waggles his eyebrows a little, playfully.]

Sure, I'll wear my best suit and tie to take you to the Country Buffet at 4pm. We'll be the snazziest couple of old men there.

WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, OLIVER. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 142.58.303.67 * oliver has joined 142.58.303.67 <oliver> So this is my private channel. <oliver>** Talk to me?

IC Contact [ryslig]

<crowed>

<oliver>

<crowed>

<oliver>

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject