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It was the best we came up with on such short notice.

[ Matt brings a hand to his face, rubbing his temples, just below his horns. ]

You don't know what it's like yet. Losing control of yourself-- hurting people. Once the hunger takes over, you'll do anything to satisfy it. It doesn't even feel bad when you're doing it.

[ Matt's speaking from experience, which probably isn't very reassuring. ]

Connor didn't want that. I couldn't let him go through that.

Edited 2015-12-29 00:38 (UTC)

[Oliver looks up abruptly. Not that Matt can see it. He doesn't need eyes though to hear just how much fury there is in his voice.]

I don't care what it's like. Don't make excuses. Not for this.

[He can't believe he feels he has the right to be crying. Not over Connor. Not after what he did.]

You could have done something else. You could have helped him.

[ Matt knows hurt and Matt knows fury. It's more than just a tone of voice, it's clenched teeth and a rapid pulse, a mouth going dry and fists drawn tight. Matt deserves this. He doesn't expect Oliver to understand, and he certainly didn't reach out to him expecting some kind of redemption. He knows he will pay for this in hell. He's clear on what awaits him, but at least he knows what he did was right. ]

He contacted me after he had started killing already. We were past the point of getting help.

Edited (wording) 2015-12-29 01:48 (UTC)

No. You decided that. Don't pretend you didn't have options. Just because he asked you didn't--

[Have to kill him. God. He's really dead. This is really happening. He doesn't even know if he really believes Connor was right when he told him people came back.

He stands, then stops. He wants to do something, but nothing is going to fix what Matt's done. Nothing he does is going to bring Connor back to him. He stares at Matt for a long moment, then turns and starts for the door. He can't even bring himself to punch him once.]

Tell Foggy I want his stuff. I don't want you going near him if he... when he comes back.

That's not your choice to make.

[ Sorry, Oliver, but... You haven't exactly been kind to Connor lately, and Connor's made that much clear. Much as Matt may blame himself for what happens, Oliver moved out, not Connor. He doesn't get to decide. ]

Connor can decide what to do when he comes back. His stuff isn't yours.

Edited 2015-12-29 06:36 (UTC)

[That stops him in his tracks and has him rounding on Matt immediately.

No way is the guy who killed Connor going to act like he should be allowed to be around him after that.]

You made that choice when you decided to kill him. He wasn't thinking clearly, and if he wants to be around you after this then he obviously still isn't.

He doesn't have to want to be around me-- what I'm saying is he might not want to live with you. I know things have been... tense.

[ Ugh, he didn't want to make Oliver more angry than he should be, but Connor's made it clear that things are awkward. He's looking out for Connor here, why can't Oliver see that? ]

You can't make that choice for him.

Edited 2015-12-29 07:48 (UTC)

[He doesn't need the reminder. He knows exactly how awkward things have been with them. He really does not need to hear this, much less from him.
]

He's made choices for me. I get to make this one for him.

He doesn't have to stay if he doesn't want. He just... I'm not letting him stay with you. I won't make him deal with coming back here after what you did to him.

That's not how it works.

[ What the hell has Matt gotten himself into. He never intended to get between Connor and his boyfriend, he just wants to respect Connor's wishes. ]

If that's what he wants, then I'll have Foggy bring his stuff. Or you can come pick them up. Or Soeki. I just don't think anyone should make that choice for him.

[ His own death, after all, was his own choice. ]

Edited 2015-12-29 08:31 (UTC)

No. I'm sorry, but you don't get to act like you're looking out for his best interests. You don't have that right anymore.

[ Matt doesn't get angry. Not visibly, at least. He stays calm but firm. Connor made a responsible choice, in Matt's eyes. A selfless choice. He's an adult, and Oliver is his boyfriend, but that doesn't make him his next of kin. ]

One of us has to have some respect for the dead. What you're doing now is ignoring his request like it was crazy to want to stop killing people. I know things haven't changed yet for you, and I'm sorry that Connor didn't see any other choice for keeping you safe, but you don't get to decide to uproot the life he's made here. Legally, you have no grounds for that.

[ Maybe if you hadn't rejected Connor's changes and moved out you wouldn't be sending such mixed messages, Oliver. ]

Edited (oop typos) 2015-12-29 18:03 (UTC)

[Oliver, meanwhile, is about as angry as it gets. He laughs, sharp and short, pacing restlessly.]

I really don't care what legal grounds I have. You murdered him. Don't act like him asking stops that being completely insane for you to go through with, or me wanting him away from you is somehow disrespectful to him. Maybe you don't believe it, but I want him to be safe, and after this? Keeping him safe means keeping him as far away as possible from people like you.

He won't be dead for long.

[ Matt's been telling himself that, over and over. He has to believe it, the alternative would really break him. He speaks with resolve, though his attempt at playing it cool is dwindling. ]

Connor can make his own decisions. He can move out, I won't stop him. It's just... [ He tapers off but doesn't finish. Connor's gonna hate him if he spills. Matt knows he's been crying himself to sleep over the fact that Oliver hasn't accepted his changes. It would be a hell of an awkward thing to come back to. ] Let him be the one to choose who he lives with.

[ And look, he knows it's a poor decision, but he'll say it anyway. The anger is seeping in. ]

You're the one who moved out.

[If it wasn't for that last part maybe he'd have been ready to negotiate. He knows how rough things have been between them. He knows Matt's seen it too. He's not willing for Connor to be around Matt, but it's not like he doesn't have other people who care for him too.

Except that? That is a sore spot. A choice he made where he knows Connor would have been hurt regardless of what he did. A reminder of just how incapable of being there for Connor he really is.]

Screw you. You think I made that choice lightly? You think I didn't do that for him as much as I did me? [His voice cracks, and the tears are flowing hot and freely again.] Staying would have ended us. Things have been complicated for us in ways you don't even understand.

I'm sorry I haven't been as supportive as I should have been. I really am. But you can't seriously think being around you is going to be any better.

[ Shit, that was the wrong thing to say. But it feels good too, knowing Connor probably wouldn't have said it. Matt swallows, tilting his chin as he clenches his jaw again. Every time Connor talked about Oliver, something in his voice went still and died. Every time Connor thought Matt was asleep, he'd let himself break. The panic attacks had gotten worse since Oliver left.

Matt has no horse in this race, their relationship really is none of his business, but he cares about Connor. And Connor deserves someone who supports him, not someone who turns him away. He won't apologize for reminding Oliver of that. Still, his tears deflate Matt's anger pretty much instantly. It was a dick move, he knows it. All Matt does is nod, looking down and away for Oliver's benefit. ]

I can leave some of his stuff with Jade. If that would make you feel better. [ He shrugs, shutting off any emotion in his voice. ] I don't expect him to want to stay here. He has every right to be afraid of me once he's back.

[It's not what he wants, but it's the best he's going to get from him and he knows it. He knows all too well he doesn't deserve to be the one who keeps Connor away from Matt, but it's important someone does. If that person is Jade instead of him then so be it.]

It would.

Okay.

[ Matt nods. He'd spoken with Jade in the past so he at least trusts her not to want to torch him if he shows up at her door. Understandably, the rest of Connor's friends will be upset. Connor's gonna have a hell of a mess to clean up when he comes back.

Because he is coming back. He has to be. ]

I'll pick up some boxes tomorrow. He doesn't have to come back here if he doesn't want to. Once he decides, we'll go from there.

All right. Fine.

[He hesitates, not quite sure what to do now. He wants to argue, wants to push to get Matt to leave Connor alone, but he's tired and devastated, and now the anger's faded a little he just wants to be away from here.]

I'll go then.

Yeah. You probably should.

[ Matt keeps his gaze low. He won't forget what he's done, what he'll have to live with. Connor might forgive him, but it's unlikely he'd ever forgive himself. Winding down from it all leaves Matt with only his guilt to keep him company. He'd rather be alone than face a reminder of every mistake he told himself he'd never make.

Plus, what if he's ruined things between Connor and Oliver? Connor wouldn't forgive him for that. Even with all the tension between them, Matt knows they care about each other. He could hear it when they were around each other, and he can hear it now in Oliver's hitched breath and pained tone. ]

I am sorry, Oliver.

Edited 2015-12-29 22:56 (UTC)

I don't care.

[Sorry doesn't fix this. Unless Connor really does come back nothing will. But it's a relief to get out of there at least. With any luck he'll never have to look at him again.]

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, OLIVER. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 142.58.303.67 * oliver has joined 142.58.303.67 <oliver> So this is my private channel. <oliver>** Talk to me?